Joy in Relating

A few years back, I had a big realization about myself. I had always known that I placed a lot of importance on friendships and relationships, but through a series of events, I really saw that I was looking for these relationships to meet a need in my life that they weren't designed to. I was making them too important, and letting them overshadow God's importance in my life. More recently, I've noticed that I was having this struggle again. I was really frustrated with myself, because I know better. I was looking at different interactions, weighing what I was getting from one person or another. Then I realized that was the key, I was looking at what I was getting. I felt God impressing me that to have a friend, you must be a friend. So I started thinking about how I can be a friend to others. I mean, I like when someone takes an interest in me, when they take the time to email me or call me about something, so wouldn't that make someone else feel good? So for the last couple of days, I've been making the decision to think of others first. And it's felt so much better than worrying about what I'm getting from others. Of course, I want to make sure I practice that in my home as well. Sometimes we're more inclined to put a good face on for others outside our home than we are for our own family. I know that is something I haven't been good at, but I am making a conscious effort to be better at that. I am so thankful that God has given me Jason, so I definitely want to live like that! It was cool, though, because part of our Bible fellowship class lesson yesterday was about loving others and putting their needs first. That's where joy comes from--the acrostic Jesus, Others, then You shows that. So that's what I want to focus on right now.

An Orchestrated Life

I think I'm changing the name of my blog now. An orchestrated life...notes about how God is in control of things in my life. One of my favorite movies is Serendipity. If you haven't seen it, two people meet randomly at a store and have a connection even though they're both dating other people. The guy wants the girl's phone number, and she writes it in a book, which she promptly sells to a used bookstore. He writes his number on a $5 bill. She states that if they are supposed to be together, then these items will cross their paths again. Of course, because it's a predictable chick flick (which is why we love them), they do eventually find the items, and each other, again. Even though the characters attribute it to fate, I believe that God works that specifically in my life. I've always loved the concept that God orchestrates things in our lives. It gives me this picture of His hand behind the things that happen to me. Just like in an orchestra, where you have different instruments playing different things that, together, make gorgeous music, so in life, the different circumstances I encounter contributes to the gorgeous music of my life.

It's really helpful to remember that God is in control of the details of my life. I don't always live like that in my daily circumstances--letting little things bother me too much, or worrying about situations that I don't need to. This has been on my mind lately because I realize that I've been looking for God to do something big in my life. He has in the past, so I think if it's not something big, then He's not doing anything. But sometimes, a lot of times, you just have to wait. Wait and see what happens. I've just been struggling with contentment lately. In lots of areas. I think my discontentment comes from a lack of belief that God IS truly controlling the details of my life.

It has helped me to remember past situations. One of my favorites is when I had just completed my thesis for grad school. I was on leave from a teaching position, and I finished my thesis 2 weeks before school started. At that time, I had not looked for a school psychologist position, which is what my schooling was for. There were no positions available when I did submit my resume, so I figured I was going to go back to teaching. Now, this was not what I wanted to do, since I had spent the last 4 years of my life getting little to no pay and having little to no social life so that I could become a school psychologist. My journal from that time is filled with pleading prayers for direction and for something to open up, with declarations that I really did not want to go back to teaching and requests to change my attitude, and acknowledgement that whatever God had purposed for me for that year was OK. Then I got "the curve ball." The day before teachers reported back to school, I got a call to come in for an interview. Now, I thought they were doing this so that when a position came open in the middle of the year they could place me then. But when I got in, I found out that someone had resigned so she could move closer to her elderly parents. So they offered me the position right then. It was SUCH a blessing, and God even worked it out that I was able to work with the leaving psychologist for a week, so she was able to help acclimate me to the school. And in terms of the people I worked with, that school was the best position I've had thus far. That's been 6 years now, but that was such a great blessing to see God at work in the details of my life like that. It's good to remember God's works, isn't it?

Now, I think I'm going to watch Serendipity :)

It's Summer!

I thought I would have written more since my last post, but I really haven't had a chance. I'm already halfway into my summer, and this is the first time that I've sat down here to write. I LOVE the summer. I could absolutely never work again if I didn't have to. I easily find things to do to fill my time. Of course, many people would probably find these things boring or unproductive, but that's okay. I think it's relaxing.

In the 4 weeks I've been off thus far, I was watching my 6-year-old nephew for 1 week, then my husband, Jason had his surgery and has been off for 2 weeks. Today was his first day back to work. I've also had to say bye to my sister, Amy, as her family moved to Germany for at least 3 years. It was very sad, but hopefully I'll be able to visit her next year. I am sad that I don't know when I'll see her baby, Ava, who is supposed to be born in October. Needless to say, so far this summer has not been what I'm used to, but it's still been relaxing.

For the rest of the summer, I look forward to spending time with friends, working on my new favorite hobby--digital scrapbooking, reading, and maybe even writing. I'll also do other random things like facebook, twitter, scanning old photos, and finding new songs for my iPod. I also have some professional reading to do before I go back to work in the middle of August. I find that I have so many things that I want to do, but I never have enough time to do it. I guess it's that way for a lot of people. So it becomes a matter of picking and choosing, because I don't want to neglect Jason. :)

I am excited that I will be working at a different school this year. I was getting so overwhelmed at my previous school, and the opportunity was available for me to change, so I did. I have worked with the principal previously, as an assistant principal, and we had a great working relationship. I also have worked with the social worker at another school, and we also get along great, so I am glad to already know some people.

I guess this is all I have to say right now, but I'm glad that I finally was able to blog again. Hopefully, it'll be sooner than 6 months until my next post.